Filled to Over-Flowing

I like who I am.

The purer the foods I eat, the more authentically I find myself wanting to live in every area of my life.

The less satisfied I am becoming with cheap imitations. Fakes. Artificial fronts and manipulated desires.

When I eat, I want real food.

And when I act, I want to act with congruity from my inner-most soul outward through the light I (hope to one day) radiate from every pore of my being.

From a place of core integrity, strength, groundedness. Truth.

My deepest desire is to live life to the fullest on every level--all at once--to the greatest extent that I can achieve it.

And to surround myself with a community of other beings of radiant light and genuine, lived goodness, kindness, and compassion.

To break out of my former limiting thoughts and ideas, about Life, myself, and people in general.

To rewrite my perspectives on aging and what a "realistic" picture of the future might look like.

Something fundamentally shifted, somewhere along the line.

Perhaps a slow, gradual shift that's been occurring for years... but is just only now becoming readily apparent on the surface.

Whatever greater inner/outer wisdom led me to optimal nutrition* and encouraged me to take up the challenge for six weeks... and continues to guide me along the path of valuable life lessons: I bow to the great, unnameable universal connection of all that is or ever will be.

And open myself to more, to be filled to over-flowing.

Dancing with gurgling laughter, like splashing water exalts in rays of afternoon sun....

Trust & Lies

Trust is either lost or earned between two people. While there may be willingness to trust another person at the onset of a relationship, in reality it is actions over a period of time determine which it will be.

Within the context of a trusting relationship, what could possibly be worth risking destruction of that trust? Risk hurting someone dear by telling stupid, unnecessary lies about things that aren't all that important in the big picture?

To spare feelings, some say.

To avoid conflict, say others.

But lies only ever lead to hurt feelings and conflict, either directly or indirectly. Whether or not the subject is ever broached.

For if a person lies about little things--and is able to rationalize doing so in his or her own mind, and make light of it--it stands to reason they will lie about big things and rationalize that away as well. If small potential consequences to the truth are deemed worth lying to avoid, how much more so would huge potential consequences?

The more liars think they are getting away with their "fibs," the more they lie whenever it is more convenient to do so than telling the truth. It becomes their habitual way of being.

When someone lies to me, I wait for them to tell me the truth once their initial panic passes that may have prompted the impulse. But it rarely happens. And confronting liars about their lying only leads to defensiveness, offensiveness, strife... and more lies. When they get called out on their lies, they rationalize why it was okay for them to have done so. In my experience, there is no point to confronting a liar. Until they put in the self-work necessary to break their habitual lying, they always will. Fact.

And what about the people they lie to?

Sadly, the ability to feel emotionally safe in a relationship with a person who demonstrates his/her quickness to lie is diminished. One cannot help doubting everything said by the person who lied. The entire relationship becomes a huge question mark. How to distinguish between what was sincere, what was lie, and what was merely an attempt to manipulate one into believing future lies?

I personally lose respect for people who lie to me. It upsets the dynamics of the relationship altogether. Even if I sincerely forgive them for the initial lie, forever after I find myself questioning any little discrepancy in what they tell me in the future: Are they speaking the truth, or another lie? Am I being a fool for believing? Or unfair for doubting?

It is such a distressingly alienating feeling, discovering somebody one trusts and holds dear has told a bald-faced lie. Particularly when it is over something stupid and inconsequential, as it is sometimes understandable why people lie about big things.

Furthermore, it is offensive and insulting--as if the recipient of the lie is perceived by the liar as someone who cannot handle the truth, or cannot be trusted to react with maturity to unpleasant, unwelcome, or painful realities.

Lying is cowardly, manipulative, condescending and extremely disrespectful--not caring or loving, as liars often try to convince themselves.

It hurts and disappoints.

Lies destroy faith in both the person lying, and in the relationship in question, no matter how much one wants to hold onto the belief in both.

And it hurts the recipient's ability to trust in the future. Particularly when the liar is someone held close to one's heart and soul.

Lies are painful and destructive, and in the long run are not as self-serving as they seem to be in the moment. For they always have consequences. Always.

Sometimes monumental.

So what to do, when someone trusted tells a significant lie that cannot be ignored or excused? How do we not internalize it as a reflection of something we ourselves are doing wrong, in trusting?