Goal Setting, Planning, and Getting Started

Today I complimented a friend, who has been doing an amazing job of sticking to her diet and exercise regime for several months now. She both inspires and shames me!

Her response--which was to say that she simply set a goal, made a plan, broke it down into steps then takes it one step at a time--resonated deep within me.

Resonated in an empty cavern, that is.

Such discipline is beyond the scope of my personal experience! I have never mastered the whole Goal Setting, Planning, Getting Started, and Stick to the Plan business. "Master Plan?" Trying to figure out what I want for supper is hard enough; how am I supposed to figure out what I want way down the road? Besides, there is plenty of time to figure all of that stuff out later. So I often live by whims of the moment....

But as I age, I find that living each day without benefit of map or clear destination is not working out as well as it seemed to when I was in my 20s. Life creeps along, I gain several more pounds, and one day realize that I am accomplishing nothing. Nothing! I have existed, dealt with the day-to-day, and meanwhile drifted further away from my vague dreams for the future.

My awareness of time slipping past me has heightened now. In three weeks I will be 46, nine short years away from being considered a "Senior Citizen!" Yet I no longer have a retirement fund. No savings. No income. No career. No real property. No real friends or emotionally nourishing relationships of any kind!

And no clearly defined ambitions beyond solving my current dilemmas. Because what I do have is debt. Uncertainty. Disaster looming ominously over my head, ready to strike at any moment. Stress. And poor health.

In other words, my life is a mess due to my poor (or non-existent) planning. And this is not the life I want to be living... this life I have been living these last several years. This is not how I want my future to be!

My self-esteem is at an all time low.

So my first goal is to educate myself on the principles of goal setting, decision making, and planning. Then to formulate a plan for myself, keeping in mind that a sculptor does not sit down and instantly create a statue of enduring beauty. Only by chipping and filing away tiny bits and pieces from a block of stone is the statue revealed and perfected--over time.

She comes, she goes

....shes gone, back and gone again.

Some friends are puzzles.

But then again, so am I.

Compassion: Being My Own Good Samaritan

Today it struck me: I have more compassion and kindness in me for total strangers than I do for myself!

When I see women in stores who look haggard or worn, depressed and unhappy, overweight and seriously out of shape, I feel so sad for them. I find myself wondering what cards Life dealt them, what decisions that seemed like a good idea at the time, led them to this point. Sometimes I imagine these women under different circumstances; happy and fulfilled, healthy and leading a well-balanced life. And I say a little prayer for them, that their paths will take them there.

Then I see myself in a mirror and cringe with self-loathing. "What a slob," I think. "You make me sick!" And I feel absolutely worthless. Disgusting. Beyond hope or salvation. Why even bother pretending anymore?

Just a Quote

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy." -- Nelson Mandela

Built-up resentment is like a lion on the prowl, just waiting for opportunities to leap out and roar. People, of course, are what they are: Inevitably someone does something that releases the monster, and while I confine my own resentments to verbal tirades at worst, they still manage to leave me feeling very small, tainted, and depleted.

So who is my resentment hurting? Me, and me alone.

Or rather, me and those who are close enough to me to be impacted by the roar: My loved ones.

My health also suffers.

So releasing resentment can only be beneficial to oneself. I for one am ready to let it all go . . . .

Days 2 -8: Playing Catch Up

Has it really been over a week since I last posted? Well, this hasn't been due to my not doing things for myself; just the opposite in fact. This is just a quick recap of some of the things I've been doing . . . .

1) Put up floating shelves, and moved my "sacred" space onto them. My candles, essential oils, incense, and meaningful doodads are now up on the wall where they are readily available and visible, but not in any danger of being lost under a pile of papers, laundry, or other detritus of day-to-day living.

2) Listening to The Twelve Gateways to Freedom by Dan Millman, which i am liking very much and highly recommend to anyone desiring a richer, fuller, more fulfilling life.

3) Stocking up on fresh produce, and indulging in spirulina smoothies, salads, and even a guilt-free chocolate covered banana.

4) Getting things done. Several areas of my life have been sitting in a state of perpetual suspense, not necessarily unraveling but not moving forward either. This last week I've been shifting back into the driver's seat of my life, mapping routes, changing flats, and overseeing tuneups, so to speak.

5) Taking care of my health. Again, there have been necessary steps regarding my health that I have been procrastinating on. This last week I've been crossing things off my list as I've either handled them or ruled them out as unnecessary after all.

6) Reacquainting myself with my art supplies. Not that I've done anything with them, but this is the first time in over two years that some of my stuff has been out of their box. Now I've got it where it's easy to access.

7) Lighting my candles, and burning my incense. Now that they are accessible, I actually use my essential oils, incense, and candles. How nice to have a sacred space of my own again!

Rather then sitting around thinking about all of the various things I "should" be doing, or "wish" I could accomplish, I've been doing and accomplishing this last week. Its a good feeling to simply be crossing things off my lists again. And making plans. And feeling alive!

One of my projects for this week is to start getting rid of the excess. There are many things in my home which have outgrown their usefulness, and are simply taking up space at this point: My son's old clothes and shoes, certain kitchen items which never actually get used, etc.

This has been a good exercise for me, finding ways to reward myself that do not involve over-indulging or eating the wrong food. The best part is that rather than feeling remorseful afterward, I feel enlivened and excited about the future.

What Have I Done for Me Lately?

So many times when speaking with other women , our conversation turns to things that we enjoy doing but rarely do, such as listening to our favorite music by candlelight, hiking in the woods, or curling up with a good book.

Usually it's a story of falling into the habit of putting other people's needs and wants before our own, to such an extent that we forget or are too worn out to take time for ourselves.

For myself, I see how I compensate when my own needs are not being met by indulging in foods I know are not good for me, overspending, or giving myself a rest instead of getting in my daily exercise. As a result I've gained a tremendous amount of weight, and gone into serious debt, leaving me feeling unappealing, depressed and unhealthy.

But focusing on what is wrong in my life generally leads to more of the same.

So my current objective is to do something nice for myself each day and then blog about it, to note the effects this approach has on my mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

DAY 1

This morning I did something I haven't done in a long, long time. Something that I used to take for granted as so much a part of my daily routine that I did not even recognize how beneficial it was.

What was this wondrous and amazing thing, you ask?

The answer is: Spa Treatment

I waxed my legs, took a long hot shower, then indulged in a pedicure, facial and full skin care regime. To follow-up I put on make up and earrings before giving my house its thorough Saturday cleaning. For the first time in a long time I felt almost pretty! And it was just for me.

Probably I won't do the spa treatment every day, but I will try to keep it up on a weekly basis at least, because it felt amazing! And it's such a simple thing to do for myself.